When you are contemplating a change or decision in your life, you may find yourself stuck and uncertain which direction to go. You may be uncertain which path is right for you or is in line with your highest good. Whether it is dealing with your job, relationship, money, health, or spirituality, we all have values whether you realize it or not.
Once we get a clear understanding of our values in the area we are trying to make the decision, the decision becomes much clearer and easier to make.
Recently, I was trying to decide whether to continue a new relationship with an individual who lived outside of my state. We each shared similar relationship values which seemed to match up well. However, as we continued to get to know each other, from a distance, I started to feel anxious and my sleep began to be disturbed. These two signals and a few other items were a clear indicator that something was off about this relationship. I wasn't sure what it was, but I knew this relationship was causing some internal conflict.
I decided to follow my own advice and seek hypnotherapy. The hypnotherapist utilizes a values protocol to help me get clear on what I wanted in a relationship. Three days later, the decision and my values began very clear. I could make a decision and know it was the right decision in line with my highest good. Now we all have free will and I could have continued to ignore my values and the symptoms I was having, but this would not have turned out well for me or the other party.
What are some decision you are trying to make in your life where you need clarity? Are you debating on changing your career, getting married, having children, determining how to spend your money? Or what you should do with your life?
In addition to hypnosis, there are some additional tools you can use to help you make some decision in your life; below I discus a few of those.
T Chart
A very simple yet effective tool is the T chart. On one side of the T you can list the pros of making the decision and on the other side, list the cons for making the decision. A few years ago, one of my staff members was debating on whether to leave her current job for a new one she had recently been offered. Being a career coach at heart, I sat down with her and conducted a T chart. Things we discussed were her commute distance & time, money (how much she would lose if she changed), the ramifications of her decision to her partner, how many hours a week she would work, and job skills she would be using. She was a new mom and wanted to spend more time with her daughter. Most of the things we discussed were related to her values. After completing this chart, and discussing it with her partner, she determined this was not the right job for her now.
If you are making a decision that will affect both you and your family, I would recommend you do the process together or each of you completes your own T chart. Once the charts are complete, you can share them with each other.
Card Sort
Another method I like to use with clients is an online or physical card sort. One of my favorite card sorts is by Richard L. Knowdell, http://www.careernetwork.org/Career_Assessments.cfm. I met Richard years ago at a Career Development conference and really enjoyed his quick and easy method. He sells card sorts for career values, occupational interests, motivational skills, and leisure/retirement activities. The card sort only takes a few minutes (if you don't analyze the cards too much) to complete and gives you valuable information. These cards do cost money, but they are worth it.
Relationship Values
I found the relationship values worksheet below provided by the Executive Happiness Coach. It’s a simple worksheet you and your partner can complete together.
https://www.theexecutivehappinesscoach.com/client_area/pdf/CoreValuesExercise.Couples.pdf visited October 30, 2017.
Don't let fear keep you from sticking to your values
You may have a clear idea of your values in many areas of your life, work, relationships, money, spiritual, and social but you may be letting your fears keep you from sticking to your values.
If you have a job where you are being promoted and continue to make money, but the department nor organization no longer match your values and you stay anyway, it is likely there will be adverse affects. What would happen? It’s unlikely you would stay happy working in an environment that no longer matches your values. Sometimes the fear of losing a great salary, or fear of the unknown, keep you from making positive decisions.
Determining whether to stay in a relationship
You have done everything you can to save the relationship you are in, but nothing is working. Perhaps the person has been unfaithful, has addictions, or no longer values his/her health. Some people will stay in a relationship due to fears of being alone, fear they will not find another partner or fear of starting over in a later stage of life. If you don't stick will your values, it is unlikely you will be unhappy.
How to spend your money
We all know that money is a very sensitive topic in the US. Do you and your partner hold different values when it comes to how to spend your money? If you are single, do you spend & save money according to your values? If your values are to feel financially secure but you constantly buy things off of Amazon that you don't need, is this in line with your values? It's likely you will feel guilt, shame, or another lower level emotion if your actions go against your values.
So how do you know, your values are not being met or followed?
Pay attention to your emotions. Do you see yourself getting angry, upset, or displeased often in the given situation? Do you no longer find joy in something you used to find joy in? Are you not reaching your goals that you feel are within reach? Our bodies and emotions give us clues to when our values are no longer being met. Pay attention and you'd be amazed at what you notice.
If you would like to discuss your values or need help making a decision, contact Happiness Now.
Tamara Small
Happiness Now
619.880.7010
tamaraonhappinessnow@gmail.com
TamaraonHappinessnow.com