Good Girls Don't Do That


Happiness can come in many forms, freshly baked cookies, lying on the beach, buying a new car, or purchasing the latest smartphone. One form of happiness, that is taboo to discuss, is sexual pleasure, especially for women. A few things occurred lately that made me want to write this blog.

I am in a Facebook group for women hypnotherapist where we discuss clients issues and solicit advice from each other. The other day a fellow hypnotherapist posted a discussion that a mother scheduled an appointment because her child is “inappropriately touching herself.” I was shocked by this statement. I wondered, who decides an appropriate touch when it comes to your own body.  If we were talking about someone else touching your body, that’s a whole different story.

What is it about the US cultural and many other cultures that woman are not taught about their bodies, are shamed if they touch themselves, or express sexual emotions? Even deciding to write this blog felt a little uncomfortable. It should not be embarrassing to discuss sex or our bodies in a healthy way.

A few years ago, my Physical Therapist read a book that she said was life-changing. My PT said, “Tamara, you have to read it.” The title of the book that has changed many women’s lives  is “Taking Charge of Your Fertility: The Definitive Guide to Natural Birth Control, Pregnancy Achievement, and Reproductive Health by Toni Weschler. I learned more about my body from this book than I had from seven years of college education and several other years of annual exams with my physicians.

As I read the book, I thought every young girl should be given this book or taught a class based on this book. The book explains your body, how your cycles work, how to get or avoid getting pregnant, and many other wonderful things.  Ladies, if you haven’t read it or if you have daughters, I’d recommend you check it out. I believe that if you want to have better sexual experiences, it first starts with understanding your body and desires. Ladies, for those of you who don’t think so, sex can and should be enjoyable!

I’ll discuss some tips on how you can improve your sex life if it isn’t as fulfilling as it could be.

Get Help for Past Traumas

If there is sexual abuse in your past and you are not enjoying sex but want to, seek help.  There are many individuals who can help you get past your trauma; hypnotherapist, psychologist, and healers.  Past traumas do not have to keep you from having positive sexual experiences with a healthy committed partner.

Get Comfortable with Your Body by Yourself

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How can you feel comfortable with a partner if you don’t feel comfortable with yourself? Why not take some time to know your body physically? Grab a mirror and look at your vagina. See your vaginal area from your partner’s perspective.  You can do this alone or with a trusted friend.

To this day I am grateful for a childhood friend Melissa who taught my friends and me how to use tampons when we got our periods at a young age. We knew nothing about our vaginas and would have never understood how to use tampons from the one-dimensional drawing in the box.  Had she not taken us into the restroom for a demonstration on how to properly use tampons, I don’t know who would have. It changed how we felt about ourselves and allowed us to attend physical education and swim class without classmates knowing it was our time of the month. Being able to keep our periods to ourselves, allowed us to avoid ridicule or teasing other young girls faced who used other forms of sanitary products.

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Next, get comfortable seeing yourself naked in the mirror. If you can’t look at yourself naked in the mirror, how are you going to feel comfortable naked with a partner? If you can learn to be satisfied with your body, you can’t imagine how your sexual experiences can improve.  If you have tried and it doesn’t work, you too may want to work with a professional to help you feel comfortable in your own skin. No matter your size, shape, or height, you are beautiful in your own way. 

Learn How to Pleasure Yourself

Why do most men know what they like? It is likely they have been exploring their personal sexual pleasure since they were teenagers, possibly younger. I don’t think you could find many men, who have not been sexually abused, who are not comfortable touching their penises or masturbating.

In the US culture girls are not encouraged to explore or pleasure themselves. If you are a grown woman and you don’t know what you like sexually, the time has come to explore. You can do this alone or with sexual products. There are online or brick and mortar adult shops where you can purchase products to assist you. If you know what you like, you can then communicate your desires to your partner. Explore your body, find out what you do and do not like.

Educate Yourself

There are books, videos, and professional who can help educate you on sex, your body, and how to have a healthy conversation. As I was growing up, one of my favorite sex experts was Dr. Ruth.  Here are a few tips from Dr. Ruth who is still providing sexual education around the world.



It is essential to communicate what you do and do not like with your partner.  Ladies, if you are not enjoying sex, you are doing you and your partner a disservice by not discussing it. I would think it takes more energy to fake sex than to enjoy it. Some partners find enjoyment by giving their partner pleasure even if they are receiving it directly.  Also, communicate birth control and safe sex practices. No matter what you take from this blog, please be safe.

If you’d like to have better sexual experiences, give some of these tips a try. If you’d like to work with a coach, contact Happiness Now.


Tamara Small

Happiness Now
Hypnotherapist & Coaching